Friday, March 22, 2013

Patience

I went to the temple yesterday afternoon.  I didnt have time to do a full session, but I did some initiatories.  And afterward sat in the celestial room. 

C received a blessing last week and in it, it said that I would learn patience.  I have been desperately trying to be patient through this experience.  But I have learned that patience is not just holding your breath and waiting to come out the other side.  Patience is accepting a loss of control and turning that over to our Father.  It is trusting that He has a timeline and we are along for the ride and need to make the most of it.

So I sat in the temple and cried.  I promised to turn it over.  Acknowledged that me, trying to control the situation, did nothing but stress me out.  (and possibly my baby)  I didnt want to be stressed anymore.  I poured out my heart.  Feeling helpless and broken.  I wanted my baby home with me.  But I was finally ready to let it happen on His terms.  I left feeling at peace.  I left with a sure knowledge that it would take as long as it took but that she would come home when it was time.  I spent the afternoon just enjoying her.  I decided that it would probably be a few more days still and so I just needed to settle in.

Oh how ironic life is.  As I ceded control to my Father, he began to give me what I wanted.  Yesterday, she began to eat!

She has been taking full bottles most feedings and they removed the NG tube today!  Provided the little stinker doesn't pull anything tricky tonight, we are out of here in the morning.  I cant wait to bring my little girl home. 

2 comments:

Kaycee said...

Elder Bednar totally talked about this exact thing in his talk for the March CES devotional.

https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/ces-devotionals/2013/01/that-we-might-not-shrink-d-c-19-18?lang=eng

Melanie Allen said...

What a great insight! Thank you! I feel like these days I am just waiting for my baby to eat a little better, sleep a little better and be just a little happier so I can do more housework, etc. I really just need to enjoy every minute while it's here and let the other stuff go. So glad Clara is healthy!