Saturday, October 10, 2015

Never again...

I've been thinking a lot on the subject of motherhood. I have been frustrated in watching some pretty terrible mothering happen. (Probably not by any of you.) it's true that I, myself have been guilty of some terrible mothering a time or two. We all break. I regret each moment. I ask for and pray for forgiveness for my faults and pray my children turn out okay despite my many flaws.

But I digress. That's not really the point of this post. 

My baby sister is the mother of a pretty amazing baby.  My middle sister is pregnant with her first baby. I have the privilege of being the mother of three incredible children. The subject of these sweet spirits and their hold over us from the moment we know they have taken root under our heart, has come up a time or two.

There's a quote floating around out there that talks about how "you will never be this loved again." I had never thought of it that way before... 

We will NEVER be this loved again!

Children are exhausting, needy, ruthless creatures. We all know it. We could list the 1,000,000 ways our lives are not our own once they come into the world. 

But this morning, my baby crawled into bed with me, tucked herself under my arm, and sleepily told me "I lu loo" with a heart stopping smile. She says it 123 times a day.  (Ok. Maybe I'm exaggerating... But not by much). 

My oldest. He wears his heart on his sleeve. He shares his fears and pain with me. My son, who is all knees and elbows as he races towards adolescence, will spend his spare moments snuggled next to me on the couch, asking me a million questions about life and telling me he loves me. 

My middle child. My precocious, determined sprite... Won't show you she is hurting. She won't let the world see her cry. But when I see it in her eyes.  When I take her in my arms and tell her it's ok .  When she lets her defenses fall and weeps in my arms. I know I am loved and trusted by this child. And later, when I force her to let me hold her like a baby and rock her, we laugh and laugh and she tells me she loves me. 

All day, between the moments of need and exhaustion, there is love. Constant. They love me. I am their whole world. Even when they don't say it with their words, the love is there.  In their embraces, their smiles, their tears...

I know that I will always be loved. I will always be a mother, daughter, sister, wife, friend and many other titles that will garner love. 

But if we are talking about love as a VERB.  An ACTION.

No... I will never be this loved again. The day will come when there are no more slobbery kisses.  No more boney legs and arms slamming into my body as they rush in the door from school. No small bodies inching closer and closer in the night. Turning my king sized bed into a 2x4. 

So I will try to absorb it all. I will try to be slower to anger.  Less frustrated with all their needs. 

Because their love fills me. Because I will never be this loved again...

No comments: