Sunday, January 17, 2016

All the feels

With all the craziness going on this month, I haven't had a lot of time to think about our upcoming embryo transfer. The time has FLOWN BY!  It's crazy!  And I'm actually really grateful, because when I do think about it, I have all of these crazy conflicting emotions. 

I want another baby. I do. However, I'm almost 33 and we've been on this roller coaster for 12 years now. For 12 years of my life, I've been poked, prodded, ultrasounded from every possible angle, cut, stitched, and had the miraculous privledge of carrying 3 perfect babies into this world. I feel so lucky. And if we hadn't had these embryos, we would be done. The astronomical cost and the physical strain is too much. Plus the up all nights and breastfeeding and diapers... I'm just soooo tired.

But I want more babies. I do!  And when I have all these frustrating feelings, I feel horribly guilty!  Because if we were lucky enough to be blessed with one or two more... I would be thrilled. And if this doesn't work, I will be crushed. I will blame myself and regret EVERY negative thought I ever had. Cuz this is it guys. If it doesn't work, we have all the family we will have. And that's fine if that's what God has in mind for our family. But I will be crushed. 

A crazy month!

It's been a crazy month!  

We had a wedding reception for one of James little sisters... 

It was suuuuuper crazy to do ANOTHER wedding over the holidays! But it turned out nicely and I was happy to help out. 

We also got to go up to have sleigh rides and spudnuts in Driggs with some family. It was super fun!  I'm so glad we took the time to do it. 

Then we came home and got THIS little miracle added to our family!!! 

Holy cow!  My sister had a baby! He's a doll and I LOVE him already! It's breaking my heart that I can't see him for a while. I need to bank some sky miles. 


Who is also one of my beloved nephews... Had a seizure and terrified us all. So needless to say... It's been a wild month!

Friday, January 15, 2016

Locker thief!

This is totally petty and trivial. But for 5 months I've been coming to the gym and using the same locker. A girl started coming about a month ago, around the same time in the morning as me, and uses the one right under me. I could tell it bugged her that we were kind of in each other's way... So she started getting here before me and stealing my locker!  There's like 300 lockers!  Pick a new one! 

Wednesday, January 6, 2016


When we were trying to get pregnant with A, I swore there was no way I could give myself a shot!  

But there was no way I could find someone else to give me one everyday. Sooo... I did it. But it was just a little needle. Still hurt.  But it was little. Later, I needed progesterone shots. Those needed the BIG needles. Luckily, I had a friend who was willing to help me out, because there was NO WAY I was attempting that!

Here we are... 8 years later and I'm living in a rural setting. That means I have to suck it up and give myself injections in the rear... All by myself. This sucks. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to do it. To make matters worse... The med is in oil... So it's pretty much like injecting sludge into my rear end. I had a friend on standby, just in case I weenied out. But guess what?!?!

I did it!!! And it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be.  Here's the proof. :)

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

The Things We Do

Does anyone read this? I'm betting not. Lol

Which is fine. I actually don't want to broadcast too widely, but I do want to document. It begins again...

Blood draws, ultrasounds, doctor appointments, daily meds and best of all... Shots. Lots of shots. 

So if you have a moment... Keep us in your prayers. We're hoping for baby #4... And maybe 5? 😳