Friday, February 5, 2016

Being Blessed

Words are such tricky things. I've been thinking about this particular topic for a while and that is my conclusion. Words are tricky. 

When we were trying to get pregnant with baby #2, people would say all the time how they were so blessed to have their children. How grateful they were that God entrusted these spirits to them. Sometimes... Ok. Many times... I thought... "So I don't deserve those blessings? Am I less favored? Am I not worthy to be trusted to raise these sweet spirits?"

Did these individuals mean to offend?  No. Was anything they said wrong?  NO! Children are a blessing. It IS truly humbling to be trusted to raise these incredible spirits. 

The problem is our brains. And Satan. 

Satan takes words that are true, and uses their tricky nature to try to turn them into something else. He tells us, in our vulnerability and aching, that we are not as blessed. We are not as good. These are lies. They are not true. The childless couple is just as highly favored of the Lord as the couple with 10 kids. Their trials just look vastly different. 

When I was a young wife and mother, I visited a friend who had 4 children in 4 years. She was a wonderful person. And normally was a loving, caring and attentive individual. Each pregnancy, she had been on a different form of birth control.  Each time, she experienced worsening post-partum depression. After this fourth baby, she descended into post-partum psychosis. Afraid she would do something horrible to one or all of her children, she was admitted to an institution to stabilize her. For this incredible mother and wife, having babies was as much, or more of a trial than my struggle to have them. 

There is no comparing pain. To say your pain is less valid because mine was worse is ridiculous! This applies to the struggle of infertility as well as many other trials in life. 

I'm trying not to let words trip me up anymore. (Obviously not always successfully). I'm trying to let people say their truth without letting it reduce my truth. Also, while I strive to be sensitive to the way my words affect others, I try not to let that stop me from speaking my own truth. That my children are immeasurable blessings.